Post 215--Financial Nakedness

I reminded myself the other day that I really want to get Canadian stuff on this blog. I re-started on 214 and I hope I'm now on a Canuck roll. Today it's Arnold Machel, a resident of White Rock, BC.  The town lies just north of the Canadian-USA border. So I am just squeezing by--assuming Machel is not an American citizen!

I am not all that familiar with the magazine in which Machel's article appears, namely The Light Magazine of March 2018. So, whether today's feature is part of a regular column in The Light or just a one-time article I do not know, but that does not really matter.

I write or, rather, pass on an article on a subject that really seems foreign to me--yes, and yet Canadian! Financial openness and honesty between married couples. The subjects seems somewhat foreign to me, for my wife and I share everything financial. We only have joint bank accounts and we only have joint emails, so that we have full access to all our finances and dealings. We also have one single mailing address. All this means we cannot hide anything from each other; we both have access to everything.

The article indicates that one-third of married Canadian couples keep financial secrets from each other or engage in "financial infidelity."  I'm glad it's only one-third, but that is still a lot and, I suspect, it is on the increase, since marital ties are losing their strength as divorce increases. Financial secrets and infidelity, it seems to me, are indications of marital secrets and infidelity; they are indications of weak marital ties.  When your ties are weak; if your "I do" is merely a ceremonial symbol without any serious intention behind it, then you will probably hesitate to share everything, including finance, for you never know what tomorrow will bring.  My wife and my "I do" were taken seriously as vows before God and we had decided that, come what may, we will work our way through without the threat of divorce. So, we have no reason to be secretive about our finances. It is truly liberating when you don't have to hide stuff. 

I plan another financial topic for Post 217,for 216 is reserved for a topic related to Good Friday and Easter. That topic is closely related to naked finance, for if you believe in the events celebrated this weekend, then chances that you have separate finance are slim, since your marriage is built on the Rock named Jesus. 

So, introducing Arnold Machel!

                            Getting financially naked

by Arnold Machel CFP

“…and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

– Luke 16:10 (NIV)

It’s been all over the news lately and it’s been dubbed “financial infidelity”.  An online poll found that 36% of Canadians have lied about a financial matter to a romantic partner and 34% keep financial secrets from them.  The most common form of deception was secretly running up a credit card bill.  Other answers were “lied about income”, “made a major purchase without telling me” and “went bankrupt without informing me”.

A small number of these infractions are likely simply due to a misunderstanding and/or poor communication.  For example, a “major purchase” could mean something different to husband and wife. But you have to work pretty hard at concealing growing credit card debt or bankruptcy, so I’ll go out on a limb here and say that in the vast majority of these circumstances a spouse is actively involved in deceit.

I’ve seen first hand the devastating results of this type of behaviour.  Years ago, I met with a nice young couple and worked with them for a few years as they raised kids and struggled financially.  The wife, addicted to gambling, started hiding withdrawals from their bank account from her husband.  She admitted to it when he discovered it and challenged her, but it was too late.  They tried to get through it, but failed.  Ultimately it caused the destruction of their marriage.  My guess is that it was the deceit more than the addiction that caused the failure.

As Christians we have no excuse for this kind of deceit.  Yes – we screw up.  Yes – we fail.  But honesty with our spouses must be held in the highest regard.  And when we’re honest and contrite, it’s surprising how much grace is afforded to us.

One way to avoid getting there in the first place might be to have regular financial discussions.  Couples often find it challenging to talk about sensitive subjects such as sex and money.  The wife cries.  The guy doesn’t know how to react.  They fight and feel like they’re not getting anywhere and sometimes that may be the case – they may not be getting anywhere.  Regardless of how difficult it can be, it’s important to have those deeper conversations.  In some cases professional counselling may be needed.

There are often issues in a marriage that we will never resolve and we may need to accept that we will forever be on opposite sides of.  But that never justifies deceit.  In fact, having regular discussions makes it easier to fess up early on if there ever is even a hint of something that might lead to deceit.

More often though, regular discussion does help us move forward and to find common areas of agreement.  It builds our relationships when we work together to resolve problems and/or respectfully discuss topics to try to find common ground.

Personally, my wife and I have found it relationship building to discuss our future goals, be they short, medium or long term.  Visioning our future life together helps reinforce our commitment to one another and helps ensure that we are rowing in the same direction… at least most of the time.  It’s not something that we do formally and it’s not specifically about money.  It’s just something that, over the years, we’ve developed a habit of doing and tends to help us direct our finances.

We talk about places we want to travel to, organizations we want to support, legacies we want to create. It’s not like either one of us rubber-stamps the other’s vision.  Sometimes we disagree.  Sometimes one of us has to give in to the other.  And sometimes alternate visions just sit there – waiting – and we have to accept the possibility that they will sit there waiting forever.  The important thing is that the relationship is more important than any issue.  And honesty is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

Valentine’s Day is over, but if you are one of the many Canadians hiding things (financial or otherwise) from your spouse, consider giving them another Valentine’s gift: honesty and repentance.  Get financially naked with your spouse.  It won’t be easy.  And there’s a good chance that it will make your marriage harder in the short term.  But keep being honest; keep talking about the deeper issues – and your marriage will be stronger for it in the long run.

Arnold Machel, CFP(r) lives, works and worships in the White Rock/South Surrey area.  He attends Gracepoint Community Church where he serves on the Leadership Team.  He is a Certified Financial Planner with IPC Investment Corporation and Visionvest Financial Planning & Services.  Questions and comments can be directed to him at dr.rrsp@visionvest.ca or through his website at www.visionvest.ca  Please note that all comments are of a general nature and should not be relied upon as individual advice.  The views and opinions expressed in this commentary may not necessarily reflect those of IPC Investment Corporation.   While every attempt is made to ensure accuracy, facts and figures are not guaranteed.

Post 162--Good Friday

Today Christians all over the world for two millennia have been commemorating Good Friday. That is to say, the death of Jesus Christ by one of the most cruel executions the ancient Roman Empire ever devised, namely crucifixion. The story is told in the New Testament of the Bible at various places:  Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23 and John 19.  If you’re not too familiar with the Bible, you will find the most understandable translation to be that called The Messenger.  I was almost going to say “the most pleasant translation,” but reading the story of Jesus’ crucifixion and the events leading up to it is anything but pleasant; it is heart wrenching, nothing pleasant about it.

In Post 161 I referred to Maudy Thursday, the day before Good Friday. Many churches attend special services that day, as my wife and I did in the evening at First Baptist Church in downtown Vancouver. The choir sang a few very beautiful hymns, but the last one really did me in. I broke down in tears, I was so emotionally overcome by the lyrics themselves as well as the melody and, not the least, the way it was sung. I played it on Utube again this morning and had the same experience. Even now, at this very moment, I have tears in my eyes. I am a singer and when I hear songs that I know, I sing along. But both last night and this morning, I was too overwhelmed to sing along. I could only listen and let waves of emotion run over me—emotions, I hasten to add, of joy, gladness and peace, but also of sadness and shame, because of the reason for all of this tragic drama, namely the sin that has distorted the entire world and every individual in it, including me.

Another word for sin is evil, both words that we, heirs of the Enlightenment of some centuries back and the subsequent rationalist philosophies it has spawned, including secularism and postmodernism, do not want to hear.  Well, evil is one word we may tolerate, but sin? No way. That’s nonsense, primitive. We will have no truck with it. Well, neither does God. But He does not deny its reality as most of us do. Instead, He provides a way out; He does not leave us stuck in or with it. The events from Christmas through Good Friday are the prelude to His way of overcoming it by diverting the punishment from us to Jesus. 

I know, for most of us it sounds like a bizarre story, something that no one immersed in our culture could possibly think up; it is simply too exotic for us. But, you know, much of our Western culture is exotic to most of the world. Every culture is exotic to another culture far away. But no matter what you do, it is always in the context of a specific culture that is exotic to almost every other culture. That’s just the way we are; we exist in various cultures, all of them exotic to others. So, if God was going to do something in the world of humans,  no matter what, He has to do it in terms of a specific culture. No way around it. That’s how we are created. He can’t do it in every culture. No one will understand.

So, for His own reason, he chose the culture that was started by Abraham and developed into Jewish culture of the ancient past in the Old Testament. Of course, it is exotic to us, for we live in another culture and have difficulty understanding that of the Bible. So, why do you reject it just because it is expressed in an exotic culture? Why would you insist that God did His special work with Jesus in our culture?  Isn’t that selfish?  Is that what you want to be? That ain’t very nice, you know, to put it mildly. 

So, we just have to bite the bullet and recognize that we live in an exotic culture that finds it difficult to understand events in another, but that does not make them untrue or false or a figment of someone’s imagination. Nor is it because the people in those days were primitive and ready to believe anything. There was an entire class of highly educated Jews who disbelieved the very notion of a resurrection. Same with some of the ancient Greek philosophers.  None of these people wanted to believe the story; it was too irrational for them. 

I herewith reproduce the lyrics of the song that so moves me. After that, I offer you the URLs of five different ways this song is sung. There are more and you can access them yourselves. Please read these lyrics carefully, slowly, meditatively. And then, when you’re done, as today’s newscasters tend to say, “Have a listen.” And respond with your heart. 

Go to Dark Gethsemane

Go to dark Gethsemane, you who feel the tempter’s power;

your Redeemer’s conflict see; watch with Him one bitter hour;

turn not from His griefs away; learn of Jesus Christ to pray.

Follow to the judgment hall; view the Lord of life arraigned.

O the wormwood and the gall! O the pangs His soul sustained!

Shun not suffering, shame, or loss; learn of Him to bear the cross.

Calvary’s mournful mountain climb; there, adoring at His feet,

mark that miracle of time, God’s own sacrifice complete:

“It is finished!” hear Him cry; learn of Jesus Christ to die.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vD6tcMroY0A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jY_qrAjFyM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1jpg1Ioei4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o09BMI-whLA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCk4IK3ZRXc

Post 161--Vimy Pride Can Never Diminish the Pain

Today is Maundy Thursday, the day on which Christians begin the weekend that ends with Easter, the day we celebrate Christi's resurrection.  This being a blog devoted to the Christian faith, this post should really be about that tremendously important historical event.  However, it happens to be the day that I read Joe O'Connor's report about the Vimy Ridge memorial week, when Canada remembers, mourns and celebrates the supreme sacrifice thousands of Canadian soldiers made at Vimy Ridge in France. It was such an important event that it has been  credited with the birth of the Canadian nation. 

I don't get a chance/time to write a post every day or even regularly, but I will try to treat you to some meditation on the Good Friday--Easter axis before the weekend is over. However, as a Christian writer I cannot simply ignore such an important and sad event for and in our nation. Actually the Good Friday--Easter axis has this in common with the Vimy story: they both include a very sad part and very joyful one.  For Vimy, the sad part is the death of thousands of young Canadian men; the happy part is that it represents a young nation coming out of the closet of obscurity onto the world stage. We Canadians are proud of that.  So, death leading to a new life.

Similarly, the sad part of the Christian story is the death of Christ through crucifixion for the sinfulness of the human race, including yours and mine. The celebration is about the resurrection of Christ: Death does not have the final word; it is not the real end, except of just a phase. And that resurrection spelled the beginning of a new awakening emerging from Jerusalem into pretty well all the nations of the world.  Here, too, death leading to a new life. 

But for today, the Vimy story as Joe O'Connor tells it in the "National Post in the Vancouver Sun (April 10, 2017). I decided to leave the newspaper's reference to "related stories" down below in place for your further edification.

============

Willie McGregor was sitting in a tent, sipping on bottled water and peeling an orange. It was going to be a long day, the 94-year-old Albertan said, as the hot April sun beat down on Vimy. The last time McGregor was in France was June 1944. He landed on the beaches of Normandy — as an army medic — and saw things that no person should ever see.

“There are times when I’ll think about the war every night,” McGregor says. “I was asked after I came back if I wanted to work in a hospital and I said, ‘No, I’ve seen enough blood.’

“I went into farming. I have had a good life.”

On Sunday, McGregor was here, at Vimy, positioned in the shade near the soaring Canadian Memorial. “It is an honour,” he said. The 25,000 other Canadians who came, many wearing red and white, would agree. A 21-gun salute was fired, replica biplanes flew past, bagpipes played, a minute of silence was observed. Prime ministers, presidents and future kings gave speeches. Justin Trudeau elicited roars from the crowd, speaking of “the burden they bore, the country they made;” the Prince of Wales intoned, “this was Canada at its best;” while François Hollande said the “message of Vimy was to stand united.”

Philippe Huguen/AFP/Getty Images

But Vimy, at its core, is for the Canadian people: a memorial to 3,598 farmers, city boys and fishermen, killed taking a ridge that no other nation could take. The land is a gift from France, paid for in Canadian blood. Walter Allward’s soaring monument exudes an aura of permanence.

In northern France and nearby Belgium, the war — even 100 years after Vimy — is not viewed at a distance, but up close. people hear that you are a Canadian and some smile with surprise. Every village has a cenotaph. Every other field, it seems, a cemetery.

Kurt DeBacker was born in Ypres, Belgium, the site of the world’s first gas attack, a town pulverized during four years of fighting, a place full of Canadian ghosts.

DENIS CHARLET/AFP/Getty Images

“I grew up in the world’s largest graveyard,” DeBacker says.

When DeBacker was a kid — he is 46 now — his mother would tell him to watch out for the rusty bits in the garden, shrapnel pieces that he and his pals dug up by the bucket and traded in at the museum for Snickers bars. He was 13 when his school principal appeared at the class door and asked his friend, Laurent, to step outside.

“Laurent didn’t return to school for two weeks,” DeBacker says. “His father was a sugar beet farm. He ploughed over an old shell and was killed when it exploded.

“My friends, we grew up playing in the Commonwealth cemeteries — we were respectful of them — but the grass there was always so soft and green.”

That grass was once mud. Deep and thick, and full of the dead, about 50 per cent of whom were never identified. What sometimes gets forgotten in the memory wars — in the tribal custom of honouring our dead — is that the Germans were boys, too. With moms and dads and brothers and sisters and stories and dreams that died in the mud. In this land of bones, it is hard to find a place more lonesome than a German cemetery.

Christian Hartman/AFP/Getty Images

I went to a German  cemetery and it was very emotional for me,” says Heike Hemlin, a German-born public servant who moved to Canada 25 years ago. Hemlin grew up in a culture of silence, when being German meant being ashamed of what your grandparents and great-grandparents had done. “We were the bad guys,” she says.

Commonwealth cemeteries are full of light, colourful flowers, manicured grass and white marble headstones. German crosses are black. The men are buried in mass graves. There are no flowers. Germany rents the land — in perpetuity, relying on groups of schoolchildren and volunteer donations to maintain their burial sites. It is punishment, everlasting, for starting the war, and it is part of the tragedy of it.

The pain is everywhere: John Kelsall’s father, Sam, fought at Vimy. Sam would often tell the story of a farm boy in his unit from Saskatchewan. When a hand grenade landed in a trench full of men, the boy pounced it — sacrificing himself for his friends.

“My father would tell that story with tears in his eyes,” Kelsall says.

Peter Robinson’s great-grandfather, Pte. Edward J. Clement, survived Vimy, but was killed three months later near Arras. His widow, Elizabeth, lived for another seven decades.

“I saw what his death caused,” Robinson says. “Sadness, anger, financial strain — not least because the politicians of the day were so indifferent to the widows’ plight.”

Related

·         ‘We must believe it: Never again’: Trudeau commemorates 100th anniversary of Vimy Ridge

·         Vimy Ridge database: Search the names of ancestors who died in the historic First World War battle

·         A century later, Canadians are still searching for traces of the 44 missing soldiers of Vimy

Six days ago, Gen. (ret.) Rick Hillier addressed a crowd of Vimy pilgrims on a boat gliding up the Seine River and told them how, if they were proud of being Canadian now — if their hearts beat red — that their hearts would be bursting come Sunday, April 9th. There is pride, indeed, great big chests full of it, being here, on this day, and listening to stories about our great-great-grandparents’ generation, dying, living, fighting like lions to the everlasting gratitude of the French.

But pride, perhaps, isn’t the correct word at Vimy, with its soaring monument, and with the politicians on-hand to give speeches on the 100th anniversary of an event where nothing needed to be said.

Words can’t capture the magnitude of the place. Look east, away from the monument, over the Douai Plain, and what you see is beauty: farmers’ fields, rich and green in the April afternoon light. Walk around the base of the monument, however, and the meaning of Vimy is clear. It is carved into the stone — 11,285 names of the Canadians who died in France and whose bodies were never found.

“We haven’t learned a thing, have we?” Willie McGregor said, his voice full of wonder. “I think of this world, and it is still a terrible mess.”

Post 102 Conversion in Christianity

Today’s subject is a follow-up to that of Post 100, but Isaiah 56 intruded—for a valid, though not necessary, reason. Consider it an extra gift, even if an intrusion. So, in view of their related subjects this one is really the follow-up to Post 100.

At the beginning of Post 100…. 100?  Wow, that’s worth a celebration for me. I have started three other blogs at different times and never made it up to a hundred. In fact, I always stopped—perhaps “dropped” is a better word here--far short of it. I was always preoccupied with major writing projects that squeezed out any time I thought I had for blogs.  So, I would simply drop them by not publishing any more posts.  But they are still there and people are still accessing them. One of these days, I should summarize what each was/is about. This time I was able to stick with it and made it up to 100, 101 in fact! No, with the last intrusion, 102!—the very one you’re reading right now. I’m proud of myself for having made it thus far and, not the least, grateful to God for giving me the stamina to carry it through.

The reason for the current situation is that I have no more major writing projects going that require a lot of serious research, energy and time. So, now I can relax a little and have more time for writing posts. Now this is one of my major writing projects.  So, celebrate? Yes, by all means. Treat yourself to a McDonald double cheese.  You won’t be out much!  If you find yourself in my neighbourhood, I will even buy you one. Now, how’s that for generosity?  Do I sound like a Dutchman? Of course, if a McDonald double cheese is not your kind of thing, I’m not sure where we’d go. I can’t afford more than $1.85 or so per reader! And then only if you don’t all come at once!

That said, back to Post 100. I wrote there that I would write about conversion in both Christianity and Islam, but ended up writing only about Islam’s view, Nigerian Islam, to be more specific. Some people, especially Asian and Arab Muslims, apparently don’t take Nigerian Islam seriously or consider it important. I make that statement on basis of their uninterested reaction when I tell them about my Christian-Muslim series about Nigeria. But that’s for another blog some day. (Why am I so easily diverted today from the announced topic?  Is it because “conversion” and “reversion” rhyme so well with “diversion”  that it becomes a perfect fit?)

The WCC conference in Post 98 demanded that Christians, along with others, drop their “obsession” with conversion. Stronger than that, actually: They are to “heal” themselves of that obsession! Apparently, it is a sickness to desire someone to convert. Psychologists, here’s your excuse to add another psychological problem to your official list of diseases and specialists. What shall we call this new specialty? How about  “conversionitus?” I have a history of coining new words and consider myself good at it. Another “–itus” term I once coined is “change-itus,” referring to the interminable decades of administrative changes to which my church has subjected its staff, especially its overseas missionaries like me. (If you’re curious, you may go to my memoirs, Every Square Inch, vol. 2, p. 148, on the Boeriana page of my website < www.SocialTheology.com >.)

At the same time, WCC always maintains that genuine inter-religious dialogue—and that was the essence of that conference—requires that no one feels threatened or that any religion should give up part of their core. Those requirements to drop that “obsession” and to retain your core are not easy bed partners. Both Christianity and Islam regard conversion (or reversion) as part of their core. You eliminate that part and you end up with a distorted, truncated, shriveled up version of the religion. It is no longer true to itself. One great missionary statesman of a century ago, Karl Kumm, whose legacy consists of millions of Christians in northern Nigeria and for whom I have the greatest admiration, wrote that the church must obey the Great Commission to go and make disciples or it must perish. Obeying that Commission is its life blood.

That Commission of Matthew 28, Jesus’ parting shot in Matthew, simply cannot be wished away. And, having been a professional missionary throughout my career, I feel put on the defensive. Did I misdirect my life, waste my time?  Should I have done something more constructive?  Were all the books and articles I published and all the lecturing I did—and they were many; just check out my website—useless or, worse, damaging to inter-religious dialogue and to everything else?

Indeed not! That Muslims could go along with that demand, I understand somewhat. See Post 100.  But that Christians should have gone along with that, is in some ways amazing to me.  However, knowing the WCC mentality somewhat, it is not totally surprising to me, for there always has been a lot of wishy-washy thinking in that organization, not to say liberalist thinking, that has been quick to play down the uniqueness of the Christian message and opt for a “soft” egalitarian view of all religions.

But I hasten to pre-empt a conclusion on your part that I totally dislike, disagree with or even condemn WCC. I have argued on the Boeriana page of my website that my church, the Christian Reformed Church, should join WCC, both to learn from it and to contribute to its programmes out of our own tradition; We have much to give—and much to learn. Over the decades, I have cooperated with WCC from my Nigerian perch at various fronts and have generally appreciated their input. But especially in the dialogue section, there has been that negative aspect, even though there, too, I cooperated with them appreciatively.  

But it does not fit well for Christians to drop their “conversion obsession,” or to “heal” themselves from it. Conversion to Christ is not a missionary obsession; it is the greatest gift I can offer to people. Bringing people to believe in Christ is the most liberating thing you can do. Just ask anyone who has made the transition. I am not suggesting that I need to prevent them from going to hell. I frankly cannot conceive of all of the world’s non-Christians going to hell. That would render the Kingdom of God a dismally failed enterprise.  All these billions to hell? Sorry, I simply cannot accept that.  It neither fits my concept of a large, gracious and generous God nor my view of the scope of Christ’s accomplishments.  He did enough to cover all or, at least, by far most of us.

I don’t know about the Hitlers and Stalins among us or the oppressive religious leaders of Jesus’ own day, but I’m glad I don’t have to make those decisions. If it were my responsibility, I might have no compunction about assigning our Hitlers and Stalins c.s. to hell. But move away and “heal” myself from urging folk to repent or convert is hardly an obsession that Christians can drop at will without the church itself perishing, shriveling up into a dry creek. I would rather argue that the Christian church is increasingly in need of healing from lack of interest in conversion! 

Oops! I’m already quite far beyond my maximum goal of 750 words. I haven’t finished the job. See you in 103.

In the meantime, today, the day of this posting, we are both mourning and rejoicing the crucifixion of Christ. It’s Good Friday, an ambiguous day for us. But the resurrection is just around the corner and that’s what it’s all about. So, Happy Easter to all of you. The Lord has risen!—the traditional Christian Easter greeting, to which the usual response is “He is risen indeed!”